Leadership Soup

The Defensive Line

I've always been more interested in the positions that make up a football team and their role in the game than the actual game itself.  As glamorous as the offensive positions may be...quarterbacks and wide receivers and running backs and tight ends and their yardage and end zone dances...the defensive positions get my vote every time.  Linebackers and cornerbacks and safeties and defensive tackles...these players anticipate and react and do what it takes to hold back the offense.

So as I watched the Super Bowl last night, I wondered how 'being defensive' got such a bad rap. 

You know how these conversations go.  You know the feeling that rises from your belly that results in a protective comment (and often a recognizable tone) and the inevitable question, 'why are you being so defensive?'  There would be no defensive line without an offensive line.

The defense doesn't have the benefit of knowing the plan or the agenda, so the reactions are based on instinct, experience, and a knowledge of the other team and how they approach the game.  The offensive goal is to keep the defense guessing and break through before their plan is exposed.

This isn't to say that every conversation has an agenda or that a defensive stance taken, over things personal or professional, is always an appropriate or instigated response.  But covering an intentionally (or unintentionally) offensive approach by attacking the response it brings about is lacking self awareness.

I paid closer and closer attention to the players as I thought through how I enter a conversation (and, true to form, I have been known to play offense and defense with the best of them); it actually slowed the plays down for me.  I began to see that there was a place for everyone on that field and that their roles change depending on the circumstances.  Ultimately, though, when the play was over, whether a down or an interception or penalty or touchdown, the players (even in their disappointment or anger or joy) had to accept their contribution, adjust, and move on.

This week, I'm slowing down my conversations and paying close attention to the position I play.  And when I feel it rising from my belly or sense it rising in someone else, I am taking responsibility for that position, addressing my contribution, adjusting as necessary, and moving on.

Communication Crime Scene (Episode 2) - Circling Atlanta

I am a frequent flyer. I am rarely nervous flying or annoyed by the inevitable delays and unpredictable behavior of the airlines.  This past week, however, I found myself both nervous and annoyed.  And I found the follow up to my first episode of the 'Communication Crime Scene'.

I was uncharacteristically early for my flight leaving Providence heading to Chattanooga via Atlanta, and I predicted a good travel day as I boarded and departed on time.  One narcoleptic episode later, I awoke to what I assumed was the 'turn off your things, put away your stuff, and sit upright for landing' announcement.  Unfortunately, it was the 'we're in a holding pattern and circling Atlanta'  announcement that meant an additional half hour in the air.  As I nodded back off to sleep, I recall the pilot mentioning two possibilities...either we get the go ahead to land earlier than planned OR we land at another airport to get gas.  About fifteen minutes later, thankfully the former came true and we started the descent.

'Started' being the operative word...just as we broke through the clouds and as I spotted the airport below, the plane suddenly pulled up and started climbing.  I have experienced this before, so I awaited the pilot's calming voice assuring us that it was nothing to be concerned about and providing some rational explanation.

Nothing.

I looked around at the other passengers wondering if they were waiting for the same thing.

Still nothing.

This is when I started making up my own explanation.
Another plane was on our runway...the landing gear wouldn't come down...air traffic control just said 'pull up'...we are now headed to another airport to get that gas...the pilot isn't saying anything because he is frantically working to determine if he can keep the plane in the air long enough to get that gas...

Fifteen minutes later, we landed in Atlanta.  No crash landing, no diverting to another airport, no explanation.

Once in the terminal and sitting at the gate for my next flight, the failure on the part of the pilot and flight crew hit me.  Their lack of communication under the circumstances was irresponsible and just plain annoying, and it offered up some basic thoughts on communication.

Saying nothing is easy (and lazy)
When the message is difficult or confusing or carries potential to create unwanted reactions, it's tempting to avoid saying anything at all.  It may appear to be the easy way out, and maybe it will just pass, but more often than not people will start to create their own stories, explanations, or rationale which are often worse than the truth.  Even though the outcome of my flight was uneventful, I was left aggravated and uncomfortable.

Modify the message
It is fair and appropriate to recognize how much your audience can digest.  Brutal honesty is also sometimes easier than crafting a suitable message that will assist in understanding the circumstances.  I didn't expect (nor want) the pilot to give me a blow by blow of what had happened, but a recognition of what I had experienced and an indication of what to expect next would have gone a long way.

Be prepared for the reactions
No matter how well crafted a message may be, there will inevitable reactions and questions. Anticipating (and welcoming) their arrival and thinking through the responses is a necessary part of effective communication.  I later regretted not asking the crew on the way off the plane what had happened; my guess is that they were assuming that we would be so eager to catch our connections that we wouldn't ask.

Accepting the fact that communication is something to be developed and nurtured...personally, professionally, one on one, to a team, organization, company, country...is not an excuse but a way of continually taking ownership of decisions and actions.  Those receiving our messages will ultimately excuse imperfection but will end up distrusting silence.

Introduction Malfunction. Who are you, and why are you here?

I was in a meeting last week with someone who I had never met; as the conversation found its way to her, she commented that it was her very first day at the company.  I'm not sure that I asked, but there must have been something in my reaction that brought on what followed.

Over the next three minutes, I'm pretty sure that I received the same spiel used during her interview process (in fact, I was waiting for her to abruptly pull a resume out of her purse and push it in my direction)...at the end of it all, I was left wondering why she felt compelled to introduce herself in that way, a bit bored, and not at all impressed (if that had been the purpose).  I imagine that is not what she was trying to accomplish, nor the impression she was trying to make.

Early in my career, I was often asked to go to meetings where I was the lowest ranking person in the room.  I dreaded the introductions, and the nerves would kick in as I ran through in my head what I would say when it was my turn.  I finally developed a standard 'Wendy Carberg, representing XXX' amongst a sea of titles, roles, and credentials. I will admit that I still get a hint of that same nervous energy during introductions today (when I actually have a title I could use), but I long ago realized that if I was attending a meeting, sitting in a room, or at a function, I had a purpose for being there that didn't need to be justified in my introduction.  I also became aware of how others used the introduction...or in many ways, misused the introduction.

There is some really good stuff out there on the topic of first impressions and making people like you, and much of dedicates a significant amount of time on carrying you through those first encounters and sometimes awkward introductions.  It's definitely a skill to be mastered, but I tend to think there is more to it.

What luck that Coree at Market Like a Chick twittered the Denis Waitley quote 'It's not what you are that holds you back; it's what you think you're not.' 

When you live in a title dependent environment, it's very easy to get caught up in assuring that everyone realizes your level of importance, your place in the pecking order, your reason for sitting in the meeting.  Not to say there isn't a time and place for formal titles and outlining your credentials, but seeking respect and self worth there is a bit dangerous.  Fear of who 'you're not' can be paralyzing.

My favorite meeting introduction of all time is used often by a senior leader I know...simply he states, 'I work in XXX.' There is a humility and confidence that is displayed in this that should be modeled...instead of Vice President of this, Director or that, CEO of my own little world...

As you sit in meetings this week, whether with people you know or those new to you, and the introduction baton is handed to you, take the opportunity to think about who you are and why you are sitting there. 

I'd love to hear what you say about yourself.

Airlift out of Manila...

Since my business travel went international several years ago, I have been lucky enough to spend some time in the Philippines.  I quickly came to respect the beauty of the country and the diverse, dedicated and loving people I met there. 

In February of 2006, I was in Manila during the 20 year anniversary of People Power Revolution.  It was a historic event that translated into activities of celebration as well as those of protest.  To ward off a rumored coup attempt, the Philippines president declared a State of Emergency. 

At some point, my husband, Brian, who had difficulties connecting with me given the time difference and my schedule, called with an unrecognizable panic asking, 'Are they getting you out of there?' 

As I looked out the window of the Shangri-La hotel down on the city and the normal bustling of Manila (no explosions or riots from that view), I questioned his discomfort and chuckled a bit at the image his question conjured...me being rushed to a military helicopter, head down, as they airlifted me out of Manila.

Little did I know that, back in the states, CNN, MSNBC, World New Tonight, and the Connecticut news stations, were all broadcasting the situation in the Philippines.  The 'State of Emergency' back home had been translated into a volatile political upheaval that threatened the well being of anyone within the borders of the country.  My family had spent some long hours wondering if I was caught in the middle of all of this and if I would be extracted and delivered to safety.

Now, those of us traveling together were aware of the events, the caution exhibited, and saw numerous signs that there was some unrest, but there was not panic, disorder or much disruption to what had become our traveler's routine.  Yet, after mildly dismissing Brian's concern, I began to process what he had experienced and what he must have been feeling; I began to coordinate some communication back home for our group to assure our friends, families, and coworkers that we were safe and that it was business as usual.

Three years later, as I reminisce about the experience, it occurs to me that this type of disconnect happens all the time in varying degrees.  I wasn't escorted out of Manila, and the trip continued without incident, but I took a basic step towards understanding and celebrating differences.  I came to recognize that stories, news and experiences are unintentially, intentially and innately skewed by the following:

Where you sit - The environment, including physical surroundings, people you are with, and level of exposure all play into the experience.  Whether 8000 miles away, in a different city, or two offices down, there is a difference.

Who is telling the story - Personal history, past experiences, and intent add flavor.  Though I had my thoughts on the events in Manila, I recently came upon a blog by a Filipino woman that made it clear that my story is just that...'mine'.  Whether you telling or being told, there is a difference. 

Versions of the 'truths' -  There isn't a single truth.  As much as I played down the risk of being in a foreign country during such an event, I recognize that there was truth embedded in both the stories my husband was seeing as well as my own take on the situation.  The day of the anniversary, there was a tank parked in front of the hotel...

As you go into meetings, interact with your family, watch the news...you'll be surprised how much easier it will be with this in mind.

Communication crime scene (Episode 1)

I collect phrases.  Lately, one of my favorites appears to be starting my sentences with 'For me,...' (as some obvious indication that I am not speaking for someone else).  I am aware of this one, and the rest of my collection, because I have some funny folks at work who regularly share their running list with me.  So I've been on the lookout for an offense of overuse in my conversations (occasionally stopping mid stream to call it out before someone else can) and paying more attention to what I want people to hear.

If you want to talk lists, there is seemingly endless list of corporate jargon available daily in every meeting, call, email, and hallway conversation. Every few weeks, a new word or phrase finds itself onto the list to make its rounds.  This point is not particularly insightful, in fact, it's so often talked about that it's become comedy, even to those who are regular users.  There's plenty to read on the topic; semi instructional, sarcastic, extra sarcastic,and New York Times worthy, all pointing out that the trend must stop, but like any habit, we know it's bad for us but can't (or won't) kick it.

Are we to the point where we aren't even sure what we're saying?  Not once, but twice, in a month or so, I've heard the phrase 'drank the Kool-Aid' used in reference to an individual or group.  I believe it was intended to mean 'got with the program' or 'finally came around', but I was struck by the fact that the presumably positive usage has such an incredibly negative root.  I am sure that the connection to the mass suicide/murder at Jonestown wasn't made in those conversations or intended in the references, but (for me) was a clear indication that it's time to slow down and take our words seriously.

Communicating effectively starts with words.  As a leader, the power of words needs to be appreciated, and the result of the reckless use of them cannot be underestimated. 

As you head into your week, focus on breaking down your conversations into words. It's easy to waste them, take them for granted, misuse them.  To help you along the way, start with a couple of easy tricks:

1. Have someone share their list with you; if they don't have one (but I bet they do), ask them to create one.  You will be amazed at how little you know about your own word habits.
2. Make your own list.  When you hear a phrase or a word that is either overused, misused or just doesn't make sense, write it down.  This will make you more aware when you commit the same offense.

I'll share my lists.  Feel free to share yours.  Instead of just writing or reading about what needs to change, it's time to change.